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(Polyaenos and Giton are installing a full-sized bed in the room.)
GITON: Come on, lover, a little help with this thing.
POLYAENOS: This is too much. A full-sized bed in the middle of
his living room? I think the foul old wind-bag has finally gone fishing.
GITON: Polyaenos, I must tell you, your depraved life-style is
a disgrace.....
POLYAENOS: Yes, Giton, you have told me as much.....
GITON: ........and the whole damned household is complaining
of your goings on, how you hardly pay any attention to your work,
and are likely to ruin yourself over the shameful affair you are having
with that woman.
POLYAENOS: What have you heard?
GITON: Enough to know that I am now ashamed to be called your
'little brother'.
POLYAENOS: Oh! shit. Has anyone been here looking for me?
GITON: No one today, but.....
(Arietta)
GITON: .....yesterday there was a woman, handsomely dressed enough,
that came in, and after a long talk with me and boring me to death with
her forced conversation, ended by saying you deserved the gallows and would
surely get a slave's beating, if the lady you had wronged persisted in
her complaint.
(Exit Giton.)
(Aria)
POLYAENOS: Fortune has always been my worst enemy;
It only needed Love's heartaches as well to make me totally miserable.
For Circe has my whole heart; I despise all other women.
Who is as beautiful as Circe?
What was Ariadne's beauty, or Leda's, compared to hers?
What did Helen of Troy, or Venus herself, have to exceed her in loveliness?
If only I could kiss that mouth, if only I could press against those
glorious breasts,
Maybe my manly powers would return,
and those parts of me arise that now lie dead,
And, it seems to me, cursed.
No insults try my patience.
I have been thrashed -- that was nothing;
I have been kicked out -- that was a harmless joke;
If only Circe could be mine again.
SERVANT: (from off-stage) Polyaenos! Polyaenos! .....
POLYAENOS: (aside) Definitely not a woman this time.
SERVANT: Polyaenos! Polyaenos! .....
(Arietta and Duet)
SERVANT: (enter Servant) Polyaenos! I've got to tell
you the master is extremely angry about your constant neglect of your duties.
POLYAENOS: The Gods be damned! I'm doomed!
SERVANT: The best thing you can do now is to get some kind of
believeable excuse ready;
POLYAENOS: It's all over for me!
SERVANT: for it is hardly possible that his towering rage will
peter out without someone getting a beating.
POLYAENOS: The gods be damned! I'm doomed!
(The Servant looks out the door.)
SERVANT: The master is coming! and instead of looking angry,
he appears to be downright giddy.
POLYAENOS: Dear gods! I'm in for it now!
(Enter Eumolpus and his muscular servant Corax. Eumolpus is acting
merrily.)
EUMOLPUS: Hello, good Polyaenos.
POLYAENOS: It's all over for me!
EUMOLPIUS: .....your success in love is talked about everywhere....
POLYAENOS: I'm a dead man!
EUMOLPIUS: Why! you are the picture of grace and elegance....
POLYAENOS: He's toying with me before the kill!
EUMOLPIUS: ......which has made you such a favorite with the
ladies.
POLYAENOS: Dear Master, (indicating Corax) I think you are mistaking
me for Corax here...
EUMOLPIUS: Corax! Ha ha! Don't be ridiculous.
POLYAENOS: But.....
(Aria and Duet)
EUMOLPUS: It is no news to me -- it is no news that a lovely
girl is dying of love for you; now this may be useful to me on occasion.
POLYAENOS: What is this?
EUMOLPIUS: There may be times when she -- there may be times when she
desperately longs to see you when you are indisposed. And so it just
may be her only hope will lie with me as intercessor, if you catch my meaning?
POLYAENOS: I see....
EUMOLPIUS: Well then! keep up this thing of yours with that lovely
girl. I may just happen to come between you and your lovely girl
now and then, that is all. As for the other girls, they too
may require my services as intercessor......
(Enter SERVANT, interrupting Eumolpus, who is laughing heartily, slapping Polyaenos good-naturedly on the back.)
SERVANT: Pardon, master. A lady who claims the highest distinction,
Philomela by name, waits with her son and daughter to speak with you.
EUMOLPIUS: Oh good! I've been anxiously awaiting her visit.
Go on, show them in.
POLYAENOS: I guess I should get back to work now, master.
(Polyaenos starts to leave.)
(Arietta)
EUMOLPUS: The hell you must! You will stay right here.
(whispering) Have you not heard of Philomela, who in earlier days
used to win many a fat pot of gold by the seductive charms of her youth?
Well, she's older now and certainly past her prime, and no doubt puts her
now-grown son and daughter in the way of lonely old men, and so continues
to extend her ancient trade by the exertions of these younger successors.....
SERVANT: (re-enters, interrupts the master again) Madame
Philomela, sir!
(Enter Philomela, with Chrysis disguised in a wig and Circe disguised
as a young man.) EUMOLPUS: Welcome, Philomela, aaaand.....
PHILOMELA: (interrupting him) Eumolpus, most honored citizen,
I come to appeal to your most pure and noble character.
EUMOLPUS: (whispers to Polyaenos) Just as I thought!
(laughing to himself)
(Aria)
PHILOMELA: Good sir, I commend my daughter and son to your judicious
guardianship, and confide myself and my hopes to you and your kindly good
nature, as you are the only man in all of the world to train young adults
by the daily inculcation of healthy precepts; in short, I am leaving my
son and daughter with you, that they might hear your words of wisdom, the
only heritage worth having that could be bestowed on youth.
EUMOLPUS: A wise choice, good madame. I give you my word,
they shall receive in great abundance the length and breadth of my ever-expanding
wisdom.
PHILOMELA: I must visit the Temple to say my prayers.
EUMOLPUS: Of course, madame.
(Exit Philomela.)
(to Polyaenos) A very attractive looking young woman, eh, Polyaenos?
POLYAENOS: She's attractive enough, though I'm hardly attracted
to her.
EUMOLPUS: Hardly, eh? Well then, it seems I am forced to
bear the burden of this young adult's education single-handedly.
(to the Daughter, while lying down on the bed)
Young lady, I invite you to sacrifice to the rearward Venus. But I
am gouty and crippled in the loins, so, I beg you to take a seat on that
kindly good nature your mother has appealed to.
CHRYSIS: I will try my best to be worthy of the heritage you
are about to bestow on me, sir. (She lets out a little chuckle and then
mounts him.)
EUMOLPUS: Corax, slip under the bed, and rest your hands on the
floor, to hoist me up and down with your back.
(Corax gets to work.)
(Trio)
SERVANT: Look at that. ha ha ha ha ha!
POLYAENOS: That maingy old cur still has some vigor in her.
ha ha ha ha ha!
SERVANT: What a sight. ha ha ha ha ha!
POLYAENOS: What an eyesore, is more like it. ha ha ha ha
ha!
EUMOLPUS, POLYAENOS, SERVANT:
This great event has restored our happiness,
As we celebrate Philomela's craftiness,
Who abandoned son and daughter to our tender mercy!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
EUMOLPUS: The crisis is coming;
Corax, work faster!
SERVANT: Look at our master go. ha ha ha ha ha!
POLYAENOS: The old shit still has plenty of gas. ha ha
ha ha ha!
SERVANT: What a scene. ha ha ha ha ha!
POLYAENOS: Take away "his highness" and it might be worth watching.
But as it stands: ewwww! no!
SERVANT, EUMOLPUS: Ha ha ha ha ha!
EUMOLPUS, POLYAENOS, SERVANT:
This great event has restored our happiness,
As we celebrate Philomela's craftiness,
Who abandoned son and daughter to our tender mercy!
POLYAENOS: Hmm..... Her brother is a real beauty.
(Circe makes a flirtateous gesture toward Polyaenos)
And quite the cocktease too. I'm afraid my hand might get out
of practise from lack of use.
Hey there, brother! are you amenable to outrage?
CIRCE: You will find in me a most willing and receptive student.
POLYAENOS: He makes no bones about it!
(They kiss, and Circe reaches into his tunic.)
CIRCE: Well! well! what have we here?
POLYAENOS: Oh ho! Oh ho!!
(Aria)
POLYAENOS: The great gods of higher heaven have made me a man
again!
Now, I am a man again! Yes, I am a man again!
And to show you I am really more generously endowed
than any of the mighty men of yore.....
(He lifts his tunic, and offers Circe, then everyone, a full view of
all his glories.)
The great gods of higher heaven have made me a man again!
Yes, I am a man again!
The great gods of higher heaven have made me a man again!
Now, I am a man again! Yes, I am a man again!
(Quartet)
CHRYSIS: Tell Corax to work faster; Chrysis is coming!
EUMOLPUS: Faster, Corax!
CHRYSIS: (throwing off her wig) Ha ha ha ha ha!
POLYAENOS: Chrysis? Holy Jupiter! that's Chrysis
riding the old bull!
CHRYSIS: (imitating Polyaenos) Oh dear! I've been
exposed! Oh well! Faster, Corax! Ha ha ha ha ha!
EUMOLPUS, POLYAENOS, SERVANT: Bravo! Chrysis. Ha ha ha
ha ha!
POLYAENOS: (to Circe) And you look familiar too. (recognizing
her) Good Gods!
CIRCE: (putting out both hands and grasping his glory)
What a good gift the gods have given to you --
(removing her disguise) and to me as well.
(Aria and Duet)
POLYAENOS: Oh, Circe! I was wrong.
No goddess or god has restored me;
No sorcerer's magic could give rise
to that which lay dormant in me;
Oh, Circe! --It is you,
The rarest, most selfless of women --
You have made me a man again.
BOTH: You are my heart's desire! My love! my joy!
Never, never will you end this fire of mine,
but by quenching it in my blood.
GITON: (enters, furious at what he sees, goes up to Polyaenos)
This is an outrage!
The Master in bed with a woman young enough to be his granddaughter!
And you! with -- that -- woman! (Polyaenos and Circe hardly pay
him any attention.)
EUMOLPUS: Slaves! take Giton away and give him a good thrashing.
GITON: (while being dragged off) This is more than I can
bear!
I want a new master!
and I'll find a more decent lover!
EUMOLPUS, CHRYSIS, CIRCE, POLYAENOS, SERVANT: Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Quintet)
EUMOLPUS, SERVANT, CHRYSIS: This great event has restored our
happiness,
As we celebrate Circe's craftiness,
For she is truly the rarest of women --
She has made Polyaenos a man again!
CIRCE and POLYAENOS: You are my heart's desire! My love!
my joy!
Never, never will you end this fire of mine,
but by quenching it in my blood.
POLYAENOS: Oh, Circe! I was wrong.
No goddess or god has restored me;
No sorcerer's magic could give rise
to that which lay dormant in me;
ALL: This great event has restored our happiness,
As we celebrate Circe's craftiness,
For she is truly the rarest of women --
She has made Polyaenos a man again!
(Everyone laughs and celebrates as the curtain falls.)
(End of Polyaenos)
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